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· 9,921 ratings · 736 reviews

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Nov 19, 2011 Tamara rated it really liked it

Simple advice: Listen. Remember people's names. Smile. And yet, I forget.

My only criticism: I would have liked more examples that related to the digital realm. If I'd read the original "How to Win Friends", I may not have found enough new information to be satisfied.

Favorite Tidbits

You can make more friends in two months by becoming more interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.

The two highest levels of influence are achieved when (1) peop

Simple advice: Listen. Remember people's names. Smile. And yet, I forget.

My only criticism: I would have liked more examples that related to the digital realm. If I'd read the original "How to Win Friends", I may not have found enough new information to be satisfied.

Favorite Tidbits

You can make more friends in two months by becoming more interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.

The two highest levels of influence are achieved when (1) people follow you because of what you've done for them and (2) people follow you because of who you are.

Fae-to-face was the expectation. Today it is the exception.

It thus seems to be the case, online as well as offline, that when you smile, the world smiles with you.

Outside of emoticons...there is only one medium in which you can convey a digital smile - your voice, whether it is written or spoken. How you write an email, the tone you use, and the words you choose are critical tools of friendliness and subsequent influence.

Always begin an end the message on a positive note rather than a pessimistic or detached one. [i.e. compliment sandwich]

[T]he size of our brains limits our ability to manage social circles to around 150 friends, regardless of our sociability.

So much of our time online is spent arguing or feeding arguments...Few of these arguments change people's minds. Because the arguments are digitally veiled and lack the clear-cut consequences of tangible confrontations, both parties can get away with devolving into snarky personal attacks and passive ambiguity - the least effective tools of human relations.

All effective problem solving...begins with an emptying of the mind - of what we know or what we think we should know.

Admit that you may be wrong. Concede that the other person may be right. Be agreeable. Ask questions. And above all, consider the situation from the other's perspective and show that person respect.

When we recognize and admit our errors, the response from others is typically forgiveness and generosity.

We are more inclined to agree with another person or see things from his perspective when we have friendly feelings toward him.

If you believe building a friendly rapport will be critical to achieving a certain outcome, using texts, chats, or other short forms of communication isn't likely to get you very far.

Either you can seek success for those who are already friends or you can seek success for those who are already friends.

When your journey is our journey, we are both compelled to see where it goes.

[Three-for-one rule: You must write down three positive things about a person before you can attempt to address any behavior that you perceive as negative.]

When we talk about our mistakes, it makes us human. It becomes easier for people to relate to us...By admitting your own mistakes, you direct the other person's attention away from his own; you soften the approach and avoid raising his defenses immediately.

The leader understands that mistakes and failures surface from all corners of life and, therefore, should be treated as isolated and redeemable instances rather than fatal flaws.

It is to your advantage to pull people out of their dejected state as quickly as possibly. Do so by calling out their mistakes quietly and returning them to a place of confidence and strength.

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

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Picked this up after hearing a positive review from a friend to see if this book has any insight I could use in my social media interactions. While I agree with and appreciate the principles in this book, it is full of stories and examples that drive home WHY certain tactics work or don't work, but it lacks practical advice on HOW to implement most of the strategies. It's like "look at all this research and these people who prove that X is the right thing to do! Now go do it!" when in many cases Picked this up after hearing a positive review from a friend to see if this book has any insight I could use in my social media interactions. While I agree with and appreciate the principles in this book, it is full of stories and examples that drive home WHY certain tactics work or don't work, but it lacks practical advice on HOW to implement most of the strategies. It's like "look at all this research and these people who prove that X is the right thing to do! Now go do it!" when in many cases it isn't that simple.

While it had great insight, it's definitely aimed more toward professional accounts and didn't seem super relevant to many of the interactions I have on my personal social media.

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Aug 30, 2019 Merphy Napier rated it really liked it

I loved the focus on valuing people. So much to think about and great things to consider in day to day interactions. My one complaint is just that there were a lot of examples given for each point that didn't always feel totally necessary. But highly recommend this book. I loved the focus on valuing people. So much to think about and great things to consider in day to day interactions. My one complaint is just that there were a lot of examples given for each point that didn't always feel totally necessary. But highly recommend this book. ...more

The original Carnegie classic "How to to Win Friends and Influence People" is a 10 out of 10 of classic books. "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" was a pick me up I read when I was 23, and influenced me greatly.

So why the low score here. Well, the big thing that is missing is the Carnegie voice. The stories here are more relevant to our era - rival directors at a fortune 100 company, using the King's Speech as a movie to reference overcoming struggle...but it doesn't ring as authentic or inspriing as Carnegie's everyday sunshine. Further, "The Digital Age" is like an add on, since there is really nothing substantial written about using technology to improve relations with friends.

So the book feels oddly pedestrian and indistinguishable from the Carnegie classics. Such advice may be timelist and improve your life dramatically. But to those of us who have red the original rife with humor and a charismatic voice - we know why Carnegie is so beloved.

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This book is absolutely fantastic. You have to read it. Since there are a great too many things to say, I will try to summarize those most important quotes / advices / teachings in short phrases so that you can have a general idea of it. For me, the most important lessons from Dale's revealing book are:
(1) "NOBODY IS EVER GUILTY; NOT EVEN SERIAL KILLERS", so, don´t expect self-condemnation from anyone. If you need to call someone's attention for some wrong doing, and bring the person to your sid This book is absolutely fantastic. You have to read it. Since there are a great too many things to say, I will try to summarize those most important quotes / advices / teachings in short phrases so that you can have a general idea of it. For me, the most important lessons from Dale's revealing book are:
(1) "NOBODY IS EVER GUILTY; NOT EVEN SERIAL KILLERS", so, don´t expect self-condemnation from anyone. If you need to call someone's attention for some wrong doing, and bring the person to your side, don´t scold, demoralize or criticise, and specially, never throw YOU MUST DO´s in faces. Scary enough, resentments can be deadly and burn a lifetime;
(2) "THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO GET ANYBODY TO DO ANYTHING, MAKING THE PERSON WANT TO DO". Never forget that you can only get the best that is in a person by appreciation and encouragement. Humans go insane to get a feeling of importance. They need compliments as much as food and those will sing in their minds for years to come. BUT heartily appreciation, not flattery!
(3) "LEAD PEOPLE TO WHAT YOU WANT GENTLY": if you can manage the conversation to say what the other want to hear and gently induce and persuade the other to do what you want, you will have the world at your feet. NEVER EVER STORM. Look for the other person´s point of view. Make the other person think that it is fun, nice and cool.
(4) "DO GET INTERESTED IN THE OTHER PERSON - GENUINELY ". When you see a group photograph that you are in, whose picture do you look for first? Since people are only interested in themselves, not in you, not in me, you can make many more friends if you are more interested in what they say than in talking about you. Care especially about humble people. BUT we may be interested in the other if he is interested in us. Listen to the other.
(5) BABIES AND DOGS SMILE! THAT IS WHY WE LIKE THEM! SMILE! You must smile, act as happy, be happy, trigger happiness. Nobody is too rich not to need it; not too poor to give it.
(6) "A PERSON´S NAME IS FOR THAT PERSON THE SWEETEST AND MOST IMPORTANT SOUND IN ANY LANGUAGE". I have a personal great example of it: one day I booked a flight from New York to London in a big American airline company, but when I got to the airport, I realized that I had missed my seat to a large group of people travelling together. I went to the company desk to complain and when I got there, there was a lady whose name, Véronique, was in his identification card. I calmly pronounced her name in perfect French, when she blushed. She smiled and with wide open eyes said that nobody ever in the United States had said her name correctly, in French. She assured me that she would find me another seat. When she came back, with a big smile of gratitude she said that she was glad to be able to provide me with a seat in the first class.
(7) "BE A GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST! LISTEN!" All that the other want is to be listened. Listen with sincerity. Intently. Wholeheartedly. Lavishly praise. Appreciate. Gaze. Listen with the eyes and mind. Don´t talk about yourself. Don´t interrupt.
(8) "BE INTERESTED IN THE OTHER PERSON´S INTEREST". If possible, find out in advance what the other person likes. Talk about this.
(9) "THE PERSON WILL LIKE YOU INSTANTLY IF YOU SEE AND SAY SOMETHING NICE AT FIRST SIGHT". Everyone feel superior to you in some way. Make sure you recognize and appreciate it. Talk to the person about themselves, sincerely.
(10) "YOU CANNOT WIN AN ARGUMENT". It is not easy, but thank your opponent for showing you something!!!!! First agree, then present your argument, softly. To win an argument is as futile as being wrong. Let the other expand the ego. Pick the points of agreement. Apologize.
(11) "NEVER SAY DIRECTLY YOU ARE WRONG". It hurts, because it struck their intelligence, judgement, pride, and self-respect. MAGIC: "I may be wrong". You never get in trouble by admitting you are wrong - it rather inspire justice.
(12) "ADMIT YOU ARE WRONG BEFORE TOLD". Trigger mercy. There is pleasure in admitting errors and you knock down the other.
(13) "NEVER SAY NO, NEVER". The 'yes' therapy gets your body ready to accept. Moves the other person from the 'no' realm, towards the affirmative direction. Instead of saying no, ask a question that demands a yes.
Finally, "BE SYMPATHETIC TO THE OTHER PERSON´S IDEAS AND DESIRES". It is universal: children show bruises, adults, surgery details. We all crave for sympathy.
There are much more to be said, but I hope to have stimulated you to read this fantastic book and find and learn still a great deal.
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This is the classic information. Even though it claims to be updated for the digital age- It isn't.

The contents tells the story:

essentials of engagement:
bury your boomerangs
affirm what's good
connect with core desires

6 ways to make a lasting impression"
take interest in others' interests
smile
reign with the names
listen longer
discuss what matters to them
leave others a little bit better

to merit and maintain trust:
never say: you are wrong
admit faults quickly and emphatically
begin in a friendly way
acce

This is the classic information. Even though it claims to be updated for the digital age- It isn't.

The contents tells the story:

essentials of engagement:
bury your boomerangs
affirm what's good
connect with core desires

6 ways to make a lasting impression"
take interest in others' interests
smile
reign with the names
listen longer
discuss what matters to them
leave others a little bit better

to merit and maintain trust:
never say: you are wrong
admit faults quickly and emphatically
begin in a friendly way
access affinity
surrender the credit
engage with empathy
appeal to noble motives
share your journey
throw down a challenge

Lead change with out resistance:
begin on a positive note
acknowledge your baggage
call out mistakes quietly
ask questions instead of give direct orders
mitigate fault
magnify improvement
give others a fine reputation to live up to
stay connected on common ground

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The original may have been good, I don't know as I haven't read it. But this version seems to be the transcript a business training company uses to teach the principles of Carnegie's original work, not a book written by a book author. The tone of the book flops back and forth between what I think are Carnegie quotes and the modern lecturer's language. Anecdotes are all over the place and far too often raise questions that are unrelated to the point the author is trying to make. And, just as ofte The original may have been good, I don't know as I haven't read it. But this version seems to be the transcript a business training company uses to teach the principles of Carnegie's original work, not a book written by a book author. The tone of the book flops back and forth between what I think are Carnegie quotes and the modern lecturer's language. Anecdotes are all over the place and far too often raise questions that are unrelated to the point the author is trying to make. And, just as often, the stories have no effective lead in so I never know why the anecdote is being shared until after the fact. ...more

Most of this is common sense, but that's not to say that everyone practices common sense (especially in 'the digital age') so it definitely has its use. I love that all the points made in the original book still apply today, because at the end of the day it's about people - not the form of communication.

I haven't read the original, but from what I understand this version isn't really any different other than the examples being set on social media and email. While most people could still read th

I haven't read the original, but from what I understand this version isn't really any different other than the examples being set on social media and email. While most people could still read the original and get the same message, I really do think that you'd get more 'aha' moments out of this updated version as it really does spell it out for you in a way you can implement now.

I'd heard of the original years and years ago, and was put off by the title. I honestly don't know why; maybe I thought it sounded like a handbook on manipulating people? But the points made in this book are useful and can be extremely helpful to anyone struggling with communication - whether it be business, family or friends related. I can see why the original is a classic, and I'm a big fan of this newest edition.

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Jan 21, 2019 Margaret rated it it was ok

This book does have a lot of good, practical advice about how to deal with people: be genuine, smile, know people's names, start with praise, criticize in private, etc.

But it also lacks depth in several areas. For example, it claims it's for the digital age, but it doesn't actually give much practical advice about how to use these skills on the internet. I also lacks practical advice for when things go wrong despite your best intentions. And this is advice for white men, it doesn't talk about ho

This book does have a lot of good, practical advice about how to deal with people: be genuine, smile, know people's names, start with praise, criticize in private, etc.

One minor pet peeve: the author constantly says "But we live in a modern age..." No one is confused by that. None of your readers think they live in Ancient Egypt. Probably.

So I have mixed feelings. I can see how it could be a great book for Freshman college students to read, as a sorter of primer on interpersonal relationships. But I also wish there were a better book out there.

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great advice for, not only business, but also for private life. it just shows you how to care more, be friendly and non-judmental with its consequences, i.e. when people react to the affirmative and sincere you.

I find the wording and perspective interesting on, essentially, the same thing that the book written by Dale Carnegie shared. Here is an overview of this book's Contents:

Part One
Essentials of Engagement

1. Bury Your Boomerangs
2. Affirm What's Good
3. Connect with Core Desires

Part Two
Six Ways to Make a Lasting Impression

1. Take Interest in Others' Interests
2. Smile
3. Reign with Names
4. Listen Longer
5. Discuss What Matters to Them
6. Leave Others a Little Better

Part Three
How to Merit and Maintain Oth

I find the wording and perspective interesting on, essentially, the same thing that the book written by Dale Carnegie shared. Here is an overview of this book's Contents:

Part One
Essentials of Engagement

1. Bury Your Boomerangs
2. Affirm What's Good
3. Connect with Core Desires

Part Two
Six Ways to Make a Lasting Impression

1. Take Interest in Others' Interests
2. Smile
3. Reign with Names
4. Listen Longer
5. Discuss What Matters to Them
6. Leave Others a Little Better

Part Three
How to Merit and Maintain Others' Trust

1. Avoid Arguments
2. Never Say, "You're Wrong"
3. Admit Faults Quickly and Emphatically
4. Begin in a Friendly Way
5. Access Affinity
6. Surrender the Credit
7. Engage with Empathy
8. Appeal to Noble Motives
9. Share Your Journey
10. Throw Down a Challenge

Part Four
How to Lead Change Without Resistance or Resentment

1. Begin on a Positive Note
2. Acknowledge Your Baggage
3. Call Out Mistakes Quietly
4. Ask Questions Instead of Giving Direct Orders
5. Mitigate Fault
6. Magnify Improvement
7. Give Others a Fine Reputation to Live Up To
8. Stay Connected on Common Ground

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After reading Carnegie's original, I was hoping to see a considerable update in this book - digital age applications. Maybe because it's already 6 years old and we've moved so beyond even 2011 technology, it didn't have the level of how to I was expecting.

Like the original, a whole lot of "old boys club" references and not enough modern-era anecdotes for my liking.

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Nov 01, 2018 Ismail Shimau rated it did not like it

Very repetitive to the ideas presented in the actual "How to Win Friends and Influence People" Book. Further, only 20% or less of this book actually discusses anything about Digital age. This felt more like a desperate attempt to make the original book relevant in the Digital Age. Very repetitive to the ideas presented in the actual "How to Win Friends and Influence People" Book. Further, only 20% or less of this book actually discusses anything about Digital age. This felt more like a desperate attempt to make the original book relevant in the Digital Age. ...more

The book How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age is a modern take on Dale Carnegie's original work of the same title. It provides advice on how to become a more influential person in your life, whether in business ventures, on social media, or personal interactions. The book is also riddled with anecdotes that help clarify how to implement these tips in one's day-to-day lives.

The most important takeaway of the book is that influence comes from valuing people and giving them th

The most important takeaway of the book is that influence comes from valuing people and giving them the proper respect and treatment that everyone deserves. Focusing energy onto building up a prestigious appearance will not garner as much influence nor have much of an impact compared to building another person's confidence and making them feel good about themselves.

Another review here listed all of the concepts explored within the book, and there were quite a few. I won't get into all of them, but I wanted to highlight some of the ones I deemed as really helpful. The first is to affirm the good traits another person has. People can often have a pessimistic view of things, only focusing on what's bad. The problem with this type of mindset is that it affects our actions. For instance, if someone has trouble with how they view themselves and we add onto their faults, whether directly to their face or not, they probably will have an even worse self-image. So instead of focusing on the problems they have, and this applied to one's self-image, try and take an optimistic stance and see all the great in that person. And when you genuinely tell them all of the amazing characteristics they have, they may feel uplifted and more confident. This second group comes from "ways to make a lasting impression" segment. All of the points in this section are to take interest in other people's interests, discuss what matters to them, listen longer, to smile more, and to always try to leave others a little bit better after an interaction. All of these concepts aren't new and you've probably heard these tips all of your life, but that does not discredit their effectiveness. When someone makes the effort to do things like smile more, remember a person's name, and to listen to their ideas and their passions, they will come off as an authentic and memorable person. Doing all of these things makes the person talking feel valued and important, and if you take a moment to reflect on all of the memorable interactions you've had, these feelings probably came up quite often. This following group of concepts comes from gaining and maintaining the trust section of the book. These ideas include never say you are wrong/condemn someone, admit faults quickly and emphatically, surrender the credit, share your journey, and throw down a challenge. There is quite a bit to talk about since all of these tips are rather diverse. I'll start with avoiding condemnation and admitting faults quickly and wholeheartedly. When one decides to openly criticize a person for their wrongdoings, probably, the person they are criticizing will not listen. When someone aggressively approaches us, we feel threatened and tend to build up this wall or other defense mechanisms to protect us. If you trying to help someone in correcting one of their flaws, such as being late all the time. Instead of directly saying, "you are always late and unreliable" try to become calmer in your delivery and say "Whenever you are late, I feel disrespected". By saying "I feel" instead of "you are disrespecting me", it comes off less critical and they may be a bit more sympathetic. It also helps when you admit your wrongdoings. on top of doing this. If you focus your efforts on making the other person believe you are this perfect individual who can do no wrong, it will make it a bit more difficult for them to sympathize with your situation. This perfect appearance may even make the situation more dramatic than it is because a high expectation has been built. When you try your best to admit your mistakes, people will see you as a human who is just as capable of making mistakes as anyone else. Not only will this relieve the pressure of maintaining this type of image, but it also allows for genuine connections. Next up is surrender the credit. This one is a bit more difficult to implement because most of us desire for our hard work to be acknowledged. Anyway, the concept is that if you spend less time trying to chase for all the glory of something, people aren't going to trust or really like you. Oftentimes when people do this, they try to undermine other people's work so that they look better. Now when someone does the opposite and acknowledges everyone else's work in the project, they appear humble and will more often than not get more recognition. Exercising authentic humility is vital to creating trust and also makes you a better person. Of course, there are times where this concept doesn't have to be applicable, such as if a person in a group completely flakes and doesn't do any work, but in most circumstances, this is very important. The share of your journey concept was portrayed through a business perspective, but I think it applies to personal relationships as well. It says how people are more inclined to help you or buy your product if you tell them your journey because they want to take part in and impact the overall story. The closing concept in this group is throwing down a challenge. Once again, this is more catered to businesses, but can also apply to one-on-one relationships. The book uses the example of NBA stars Larry Bird and Magic Johnson, who had a fierce rivalry during their careers. When Johnson's career abruptly ended, Magic spoke out about how he greatly respects Larry and how he is grateful for their competition as it motivated him to become the superstar he was. When you challenge someone, whether the focus is on personal fitness, a videogame, or whatever, it will make you and the other person rise to the occasion as you want to succeed. In the end, it doesn't matter who wins because you both will leave as better people. The final group of concepts I want to discuss lies in the final section of the book regarding leadership. These comprise of begin on a positive note, mitigate fault, magnify improvement, and stay connected on common ground. The first concept, beginning on a positive note, kind of plays into one of the other concepts, avoid condemnation. When you have to tell someone some less than welcome news for something like their performance at their job, it's always best to start on a positive note to ease them into the less than fortunate news and become more receptive to the information. Even though we constantly hear people wanting the bad news first, a lot of times it puts their guard up and not want to accept what has to be done. Practicing this concept also is a great way to develop a more optimistic outlook on things. Next is to mitigate fault and magnify improvement. This is essentially the same as avoid non-constructive criticism and affirm what is good but in a leadership position. While you should acknowledge when someone has made a mistake, you shouldn't place all the blame on them. Instead, say how they made an excellent effort and that this is a learning opportunity on how the team can succeed the next time. And when someone improves, which is always the goal in life, celebrate. Don't downplay their accomplishment and tell them how proud you are. This will most likely make the other person feel really good and want to continue their new lifestyle. Finally, probably the most important concept in this group is to stay connected to common ground. We are all attracted to the people or companies that share the same beliefs and values that we do. If you can find that common point in the interaction, you can strengthen your range of influence and build a strong relationship with that person.

All in all, I think this is a great book that includes very important advice that is lost as we rely less and less on face-to-face contact. The only complaint I have regarding the book is that most of the social media advice tends towards people who run businesses. I thought there would be more advice aimed towards individuals who are looking to establish meaningful relationships through social media, but I still think How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age is a great read that can help improve your interactions, both in the digital world and the real one. I highly recommend giving this book a try.

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This is my first / favorite book..😍 and a must read book for everyone..❤

Jun 07, 2019 Audrey rated it did not like it

Mayyybeee 1.5 stars. Which isn't to say that I really enjoyed this at all, but the different examples/anecdotes made some of it slightly easier to get through.
This book feels more like an essay compilation than a book. Not only that, but the essays feel like the result of a class of students all needing to turn in an essay on leadership. Only one of them actually wrote the essay, but was kind enough to distribute it to everyone else under the stipulation that they "change it a little."
That's i Mayyybeee 1.5 stars. Which isn't to say that I really enjoyed this at all, but the different examples/anecdotes made some of it slightly easier to get through.
This book feels more like an essay compilation than a book. Not only that, but the essays feel like the result of a class of students all needing to turn in an essay on leadership. Only one of them actually wrote the essay, but was kind enough to distribute it to everyone else under the stipulation that they "change it a little."
That's it. That's the book.
It just truly felt like the same basic concepts slightly reworded over and over again. Not only was that extremely frustrating, but the ideas themselves weren't overly profound or interesting. Nothing felt like a new, innovative suggestion or solution. It was really common sense. Maybe that's the point?
The fact that there's so many slight alterations of the same basic ideas of Dale Carnegie (see How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls) makes this all seem like more of a money grab than required reading. Or maybe just a giant advertisement for "Dale Carnegie Training", which is mentioned more and more as you near the end of the book and the actual, full page ad for the service.
This isn't like an evil book. Maybe Dale would be disappointed that I'm not calling out mistake quietly or beginning on a positive note, but I truly didn't get anything out of this. ...more

Theres some minority of good data with mostly filler words to surround them. I guess the original book is much better, the one without the digital age.

It was a great book a lot had to do with the classic book that Dale Carnegie wrote.
Refreshing.

Nov 18, 2020 Rachel rated it really liked it

I had always avoided this book (in any edition/format) because the title was a bit off-putting for me. Friends are not meant to be "won" and the idea of influencing people somehow seemed shady to me (thank you, Twitter and politicians). However, I finally decided to read it and imagine my surprise when it was almost the exact opposite of what I was expecting.

Instead of gimmicky tips or advice about winning people over or getting them to see your point of view, it was just an honest guide in how

Instead of gimmicky tips or advice about winning people over or getting them to see your point of view, it was just an honest guide in how to connect with people by taking a sincere and genuine interest in them. It was kind of like being smacked in the face with a book full of obvious information (like "smile!" and "don't complain"), things that we know but sometimes to struggle to apply.

There is a bit of clunkiness as it has been updated from the original version (with a new co-author, since the original is like 80 years old) and it kind of lost me towards the end when the focus became heavy on leadership in business. Despite this, I can see why it's such a classic and I think many people could benefit from learning about the principles in this book.

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Jul 20, 2021 Kiana rated it really liked it

Despite the cheesy name and my skepticism I'm really glad I read this book. It was super helpful and insightful. Going over what you already know but helps with gaining insight on how to be a good manager. Despite the cheesy name and my skepticism I'm really glad I read this book. It was super helpful and insightful. Going over what you already know but helps with gaining insight on how to be a good manager. ...more

Sep 23, 2021 David rated it it was amazing

I like the part about remember someone's name, name represent someone's character, personality, and fate, also the part about alleviate mistakes, helping someone, forgive, remember, win friends.
This book also add extra 30 ways to manage stress and worry. I like the part about remember someone's name, name represent someone's character, personality, and fate, also the part about alleviate mistakes, helping someone, forgive, remember, win friends.
This book also add extra 30 ways to manage stress and worry. ...more

Feb 19, 2018 Donal Brady rated it really liked it

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. How to Win Friends

How to Win Friends

1. Smile
2. Listen
3. Remember names.
4. Ask questions.
5. See how you can help others.
6. Encourage real/deeper interactions.
7. Temper your criticism - never say you're wrong!
8. Aim to leave each person you meet a bit better than before you met them. Don't necessarily think how do I sell this but instead how can I make their lives easier.
9. If you're wrong admit it immediately and emphatically.
10. Initiate conversation in a friendly manner.
11. Create affinity/connection with someone so that they are more affable and likely to say yes at a later stage in the conversation.
12. Defer credit and take blame - you need to focus on gratitude. Has to be authentic otherwise it comes across as martyr syndrome.
13. Your success is commensurate with the amount of people that want to see you successful.
14. Influence by understanding things from their point of view.
15. Appeal to people's nobler motives - people deep down want to contribute positively.
16. Convince them with the big picture.
17. Share your story and others will share theirs - when your journey is our journey, we are both compelled to see where it goes.
18. Competition is necessary to keep us striving. Challenge people. What matters is the response. It can bond people together.
19. How to lead change positively and without resistance
20. Start on a positive note with something authentic, acknowledging contribution.
21. Avoid using BUT, negates the positive part before.
22. If negative , empathise by explaining your own mistakes. Follow up with constructive advice, not criticism. Helps to keep defences down.
23. Call out mistakes quietly so that person can save face.
24. Monkey see, monkey do. Leaders need to walk the walk.
25. Ask questions instead of orders. Engages employees and gives you an opportunity to learn. Questions create a conversation which allows person to be a part of the solution.
26. Performance Reviews - self appraisal first. What are your strengths? What are your goals? What do you need to work on to achieve these goals?
27. Acknowledge that mistakes/failure happens. Separate the person from the failure. Best way to learn and develop. Part and parcel of growth.
28. Mistakes from error vs mistakes from recklessness/attitude. Latter not to be shielded but still do it gently. Recognise your own role in the mistake.
29. Always do it in person. Save positive for email.
30. Save face when mistake happens.
31. Fulfilling potential - praise and encouragement are the key.
32. Praise - deliver as soon as possible. Be specific about what. Praise publicly. Only when good results.
33. Encouragement regardless of results. Regularly encourage.
34. Treat the person with the respect of the person you want them to be.
35. Common ground/goals are needed of everyone to avoid resistance to change.
36. What are your colleagues dreams?...be honest, share yours.
37. Social media now to used as key basis of marketing and communication.
38. You need relational proximity in order to lead. Not necessarily physical.

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I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I especially enjoyed Part 3 on How to Merit and Maintain Others' Trust, and Part 4 on How to Lead Change Without Resistance or Resentment.

Part 3 provides great advice on how to (1) admit faults quickly and emphatically; (2) surrender the credit; and (3) appeal to noble motives. Part 4 shares powerful techniques like (1) "forgive and remember, when it comes to learning from mistakes; (2) ways to effectively magnify improvement through praise and encouragement; and most interestingly, (3) powerful ways to give people a fine reputation to live up to. Highly recommend to those looking for thoughtful and practical ways to have more positive and impactful interactions with others and build genuine relationships in today's highly connected world.

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Jun 23, 2020 eve v. rated it it was ok

I haven't read the original Dale Carnegie, but this version was available to me in audiobook form and from what I gather it's very close to the original with only minor alterations. I've been meaning to read Dale Carnegie forever and now that I have... oh my goodness, where do I freaking start?!

The ONLY benefits you can maybe glean from this book are general courteous conversation tips (ask questions, use first names, etc) and "diplomatic niceness" tips which are beneficial for workplace and business encounters. As far as relationships outside of the workplace, this book gives HORRIBLE advice. Honestly the title is hugely misleading. A better one would be "How to Win Fake Friends and Manipulate People." The whole book is nothing short of an altruist's bible and is full of horrible collectivistic ideas sprinkled with moralism. The gist is: be nice to everyone, don't share your opinion (especially not online), don't argue and always be willing to listen and admit you're wrong, always ask questions, agree with someone even though you know for a fact they are wrong b/c truth isn't as important as feelings, etc. It's HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE advice!!! Of course there are times you should be diplomatic, of course you should be willing to listen and admit you're wrong, BUT TRUTH ISN'T SUBJECTIVE. You can't always just "be nice" and agree with people who are blatantly wrong for the sake of niceness and "you're not going to change their opinion anyway." This is so wrong, specifically when it comes to social media debates/discussions (which the book mentions) where a majority of the time the debate isn't for the benefit of the other person but for the benefit of readers... just like virtually every organized debate ever.

This book makes me sick, and I can't believe so many love it. I'm only giving it 2 stars because of the general tips, which personally I found very mainstream but MAYBE they would be helpful to some people. Overall I would not recommend this book to anyone. Following this book's advice in your personal life will only lead to shallow relationships and low self-esteem.

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Sep 28, 2016 Eileen Iciek rated it did not like it

This book was pleasant enough and had a few common helpful hints. However, what really got it a 1 star review was towards the end when the author tells the story of women in the workforce after WWII. These women had stepped up and had responsible jobs that they had performed well in, but were set aside for the returning soldiers. The one example the author gave was in restaurants, where women who had been cooks were demoted to the lower paying positions of waitresses. There was quite a bit of ac This book was pleasant enough and had a few common helpful hints. However, what really got it a 1 star review was towards the end when the author tells the story of women in the workforce after WWII. These women had stepped up and had responsible jobs that they had performed well in, but were set aside for the returning soldiers. The one example the author gave was in restaurants, where women who had been cooks were demoted to the lower paying positions of waitresses. There was quite a bit of acrimony and poor service that resulted. The author shared the solution to this problem - the spinning clips that hold the waitress's orders so they don't have to actually speak to the cooks any more!!! No mention of the injustice these women experienced. No mention of maybe demoting the men to waiters and let them work their way up. No. He thought the consultant's solution of a spinning clip board was perfect.

Now it probably didn't help that I was on my way to work when I heard this, where I report to a much younger, much less experienced man who, so far as I can tell, was promoted solely because of his anatomy. Nice enough guy, but this example only served to remind me of his and other promotions at my company where men were favored over women. The author is clearly another example of clueless male.

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I've never yet read the original, having had a cynical view of what I perceived to be subtle American manipulation: 'do these tricks for results'. My public library had only this updated version however, and I am glad I read it. The approach is positive, the tone genuine and grounded in the wisdom literature. I have taken extensive notes which I need to apply in lots of human interaction, not just digtally. Here's one gem "always remember that what motivates you to win friends is rarely what mot I've never yet read the original, having had a cynical view of what I perceived to be subtle American manipulation: 'do these tricks for results'. My public library had only this updated version however, and I am glad I read it. The approach is positive, the tone genuine and grounded in the wisdom literature. I have taken extensive notes which I need to apply in lots of human interaction, not just digtally. Here's one gem "always remember that what motivates you to win friends is rarely what motivates others to grant you friendship." If you are looking beyond them to achieve your own goals you'll loose out and so will the world. Look at them directly, engage personally, be interested in them while they are looking at you. And this bit "The secret to all interpersonal progress is adding value and doing it with regularity, moving relationships from manipulative to meaningful." This book is not a how-to for digital tricks so much as it is the big WHY in human connecting. Recommend. ...more

Sep 24, 2015 Daniel Fok rated it really liked it

Overall great book. It can help you get things done faster. While the title seems manipulative, it's really about making a positive change, where everyone can mutually benefit. It's just a matter of how you use this new found knowledge. Business leaders can spur on their corporations with this, teachers can spur on their students with this. Basically, it's applicable to EVERYONE.

I've borrow this from the library to see if it's worth buying. Now, it will definitely be sitting on the shelves of my

I've borrow this from the library to see if it's worth buying. Now, it will definitely be sitting on the shelves of my personal library in the future.

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DNF. Don't think the "digital age" examples add much to the timeless advice. DNF. Don't think the "digital age" examples add much to the timeless advice. ...more

Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (originally Carnagey until 1922 and possibly somewhat later) (November 24, 1888 – November 1, 1955) was an American writer and lecturer and the developer of famous courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking and interpersonal skills. Born in poverty on a farm in Missouri, he was the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, fir Dale Breckenridge Carnegie (originally Carnagey until 1922 and possibly somewhat later) (November 24, 1888 – November 1, 1955) was an American writer and lecturer and the developer of famous courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, corporate training, public speaking and interpersonal skills. Born in poverty on a farm in Missouri, he was the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, first published in 1936, a massive bestseller that remains popular today. He also wrote a biography of Abraham Lincoln, titled Lincoln the Unknown, as well as several other books.

Carnegie was an early proponent of what is now called responsibility assumption, although this only appears minutely in his written work. One of the core ideas in his books is that it is possible to change other people's behavior by changing one's reaction to them.

Born in 1888 in Maryville, Missouri, Carnegie was a poor farmer's boy, the second son of James William Carnagey and wife Amanda Elizabeth Harbison (b. Missouri, February 1858 – living 1910). In his teens, though still having to get up at 4 a.m. every day to milk his parents' cows, he managed to get educated at the State Teacher's College in Warrensburg. His first job after college was selling correspondence courses to ranchers; then he moved on to selling bacon, soap and lard for Armour & Company. He was successful to the point of making his sales territory of South Omaha, Nebraska the national leader for the firm.

After saving $500, Carnegie quit sales in 1911 in order to pursue a lifelong dream of becoming a Chautauqua lecturer. He ended up instead attending the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in New York, but found little success as an actor, though it is written that he played the role of Dr. Hartley in a road show of Polly of the Circus.[citation needed] When the production ended, he returned to New York, unemployed, nearly broke, and living at the YMCA on 125th Street. It was there that he got the idea to teach public speaking, and he persuaded the "Y" manager to allow him to instruct a class in return for 80% of the net proceeds. In his first session, he had run out of material; improvising, he suggested that students speak about "something that made them angry", and discovered that the technique made speakers unafraid to address a public audience. From this 1912 debut, the Dale Carnegie Course evolved. Carnegie had tapped into the average American's desire to have more self-confidence, and by 1914, he was earning $500 - the equivalent of nearly $10,000 now - every week.

Perhaps one of Carnegie's most successful marketing moves was to change the spelling of his last name from "Carnegey" to Carnegie, at a time when Andrew Carnegie (unrelated) was a widely revered and recognized name. By 1916, Dale was able to rent Carnegie Hall itself for a lecture to a packed house. Carnegie's first collection of his writings was Public Speaking: a Practical Course for Business Men (1926), later entitled Public Speaking and Influencing Men in Business (1932). His crowning achievement, however, was when Simon & Schuster published How to Win Friends and Influence People. The book was a bestseller from its debut in 1937, in its 17th printing within a few months. By the time of Carnegie's death, the book had sold five million copies in 31 languages, and there had been 450,000 graduates of his Dale Carnegie Institute. It has been stated in the book that he had critiqued over 150,000 speeches in his participation of the adult education movement of the time. During World War I he served in the U.S. Army.

His first marriage ended in divorce in 1931. On November 5, 1944, in Tulsa, Oklahoma, he married Dorothy Price Vanderpool, who also had been divorced. Vanderpool had two daughters; Rosemary, from her first marriage, and Donna Dale from their marriage together.

Carnegie died at Forest Hills, New York, and was buried in the Belton, Cass County, Missouri cemetery. The official biography fro

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The cohosts of the By the Book podcast, Jolenta Greenberg and Kristen Meinzer, are hitting the bookshelves themselves this spring with...

"Save someone's face once and your influence with him rises. Save his face every time you can, and there is practically nothing he won't do for you." — 8 likes

"foundational principles—don't criticize, condemn, or complain; talk about others' interests; if you're wrong, admit it; let others save face. Such principles don't make you a clever conversationalist or a resourceful raconteur. They remind you to consider others' needs before you speak. They encourage you to address difficult subjects honestly and graciously. They prod you to become a kinder, humbler manager, spouse, colleague, salesperson, and parent. Ultimately, they challenge you to gain influence in others' lives not through showmanship or manipulation but through a genuine habit of expressing greater respect, empathy, and grace." — 6 likes

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How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age Pdf

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